3/11/2023 0 Comments Negative nancy or grumbling![]() Imagine if you had given yourself 10 or 20 minutes to calm down before speaking to that co-worker, or even to the interrupter himself. Now you’re feeling worse and probably a little guilty-and you haven’t solved the interrupting problem. During those complaints, you end up throwing in a few extra jabs about the state of their messy desk and why on earth did he get that haircut. Each meeting makes you feel increasingly resentful, and so you complain to another co-worker after each of those meetings. You’ve cast a few side eyes his way, but he doesn’t seem to be getting the hint. Let’s say a co-worker has a bad habit of interrupting you during meetings. Venting, unlike complaining, is a way to articulate a frustration without the knee-jerk emotions that fuel a complaint. Rather than complaining in the heat of the moment, create space to vent after the negative emotions have passed. ![]() That mindset takes time and patience to develop, and if you expect too much too soon, you’ll probably end up more frustrated (and more likely to complain). Create space to articulate your feelings in a healthy way.Ĭontrary to popular belief, ridding yourself of a complaining attitude doesn’t mean you’re relentlessly positive and uplifting. Once you identify the source of your coping mechanism, you can begin to undo the automatic reactions-complaining, in this case-and instead learn to respond with purpose and clarity. Is this a recurring complaint or a one-off situation?īe careful when interviewing yourself this isn’t a time for judgment or negative self-talk.Is there someone who can support me in solving this issue?.What can I do to solve the issue I’m complaining about?.To identify the core of your coping mechanism, interview yourself after every instance of a complaint. The act of complaining becomes second nature. Some people cope this way because they grew up in a family of complainers. But coping mechanisms can also be learned behaviors. A struggling student might complain because they don’t know how to solve the problem at hand. For example, an overworked employee might complain to relieve stress. And the first step in replacing an unhealthy coping mechanism with a healthy one is to identify when and why it appears. Understand why you feel the need to complain.Ĭomplaining is a coping mechanism. And then it’s about shifting your mindset to a more positive one while understanding that any habit-breaking practice takes time, patience and commitment. So how do we quit the habit? It starts with understanding the deeper, automatic feelings that we developed long before we were aware of them. And let’s face it: Complaining rarely solves anything. But complaining has long-term mental, emotional and physical effects that simply aren’t worth it. ![]() You meet a new friend and complain about the cold weather or your distaste for high-wasted jeans. For many people, it’s easier to connect over a shared dislike than a shared like. Easier said than done, right? Complaining is so natural to us that we don’t even notice when we’re doing it. Don’t complain about things you can’t change.
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